Excuse gram errors typing from phone
Monday
Today we went and applied for Isaiah’s Visa. We also got his medical exam cleared and then we all went to the zoo. It was a fun day. Isaiah loves his family but he is definitely attached to me. If I walk away from him for a second, he is uneasy. His tender heart has taken in a lot in the last 2 years. He had a few surgeries as an infant, I can only imagine what that does, especially not to have the hands of a mother/father or family member in the process of nursing him back to health. A touch goes far for a baby as we know. Statistics in our studies show( many orphans actually begin to quit crying, from having cried so long and not having their needs met, they accept they are not heard and eventually go silent :-( That makes me so sad. Isaiah had a caregiver and some great people who definitely invested in him, because he is doing so well. When we got him he cried and cried for his orphanage person, the lady was actually a staff person not his actual caregiver. But he was use to seeing her every day and they obviously gave him a sense of comfort. His crying at first was hard but when we look back it was a good healthy sign that he connects and attaches well. So in time, we will be really doing good. Each day is a step in that direction because he feels very comfortable with us right now and is slowly attaching to Ryan as well. It usually takes a little more time with the same gender.
Today we went and applied for Isaiah’s Visa. We also got his medical exam cleared and then we all went to the zoo. It was a fun day. Isaiah loves his family but he is definitely attached to me. If I walk away from him for a second, he is uneasy. His tender heart has taken in a lot in the last 2 years. He had a few surgeries as an infant, I can only imagine what that does, especially not to have the hands of a mother/father or family member in the process of nursing him back to health. A touch goes far for a baby as we know. Statistics in our studies show( many orphans actually begin to quit crying, from having cried so long and not having their needs met, they accept they are not heard and eventually go silent :-( That makes me so sad. Isaiah had a caregiver and some great people who definitely invested in him, because he is doing so well. When we got him he cried and cried for his orphanage person, the lady was actually a staff person not his actual caregiver. But he was use to seeing her every day and they obviously gave him a sense of comfort. His crying at first was hard but when we look back it was a good healthy sign that he connects and attaches well. So in time, we will be really doing good. Each day is a step in that direction because he feels very comfortable with us right now and is slowly attaching to Ryan as well. It usually takes a little more time with the same gender.
We went to the zoo today. This was definitely a fun activity following the medical exam and exam that is just a basic check up before leaving. Nothing big. But as always, Isaiah starts to get nervous. Today he did well which made me think he is really starting to trust that me, Caden and Ryan won’t leave him. Amen to that! While waiting these other 3 families came in who were adopting as well. My eyes started to tear up, it was like I wanted to run straight to them and say oh my gosh, you understand us don’t you? It was so refreshing to see them. The mother I spoke with from Colorado was amazing. Heart of gold. Has 6 kids back home!!!!!! Of those 6 she had 5 biological and one child they adopted from Russia many years ago. This was their first China adoption and while the husband stayed with the kids back home, she traveled to China to get their son. She truly exuded her faith through her patience and gentle personality. Anyway, she was a breath of fresh air. So were the other people we met. All going through the same things. From the binge eating stories to the small little changes daily. We all shared. It was nice to get to talk with others who understood a few things I had on my heart.
Today has been hard on me for some reason. I am struggling a little. Im just ready to go home. I am ready for us all to go to a sense of normalcy in a house not a hotel room. In all honesty, I am human and I have moments I wonder am I strong enough? Can I handle this? The answer is simple. No I am not, but as it says in my favorite verse, phil 4:13, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me…claiming this promise today and everyday…. it's a daily task but has big rewards. So here is a child who now is loved on daily, has siblings teaching him the joys of life, grandparents/aunts who pray and love him already tons, a home that he can call his, a promise in his future that he will go far. No more lifeless crib days, no more days of food insecurities, no more fears of being moved around and not knowing where you’re going next. No more. From here on little Isaiah….Our boy who was created by God for God, has been placed in his forever home.
China is only special needs adoptions if you don’t know. Isaiah has a medical condition that will be ok. But somehow today it is weighing heavy on my heart (though I know God calls us to it and brings us through it). Funny thing is thing I appreciate even more now, ironically, I would have been considered a special needs child. Being born with a mild hearing loss and with 5 sets of tubes in my ears as a child, this effected my hearing. My mother had to do lots of stuff when I was a a young child such as weekly trips to speech therapy and doctors appointments. Her patience and time is what allowed me to thrive. I appreciate her dedication deeply because nothing set me back. Sure a few moments in life, kids can tease and be mean and that hurt my feelings here and there, and sure if I could have normal hearing I would take it today, but who overall cares. I am fine. I live a wonderful life. I am thankful for parents who could care and provide for me. And here I am…I had 2 healthy biological children, and Ryan and I have chosen the path of adoption…would I have ever predicted this for my journey? Probably not. But God has bigger plans!. Isaiah is a healthy kid, smart child, adorable personality, and big heart because he loves us and laughs hard. I read this today in my devotion and really hit home for me - there is something in our heartsGod IS AND WILL be doing, I know and believe that 110% so I am going to trust Him: “…and sometimes we do not understand any more than that God is praying in us, for something that needs His touch and that He understands”.
I have officially left my comfort bubble created. But in truth, God would’ve popped that bubble at some point. Rightfully so, in the bubble I can’t grow. My mother and Meemaw always said, ‘difficulties prove character’. Aint that the truth. It is what ultimately shakes us into the next big thing. We often need a nudge right? So I know in my heart, I know HE is about to birth a new courage and strength in both my role as a mother, wife, and believer…will be worth it all. It is just the saying “easier said that done” that gets me on a shaken day. Galatians 5:25 dedication: I want to walk in step with the (holy) spirit..and tap into all that I need for this walk! This long, faithful, eventful, exciting, and daring walk with God. Hand in hand…here we go.
Keep sending your prayers over us! Daily!
So in this process of adopting internationally + orphan, the days go well for the most part but there are transitions moments that often occur, all part of the process. These transitions require patience, love, and lots of prayers. As with anything, a negative moment can outweigh all the goods if we let them. I have learned to resist that. The tears try to wash away the good times, but that’s not how it should be. I realized today, those are the very times, the small 10% of times its ok to shed tears but all the while, confess the promises we are given, and speak in faith knowing that eventually our heart will line up with what we speak. It is so much easier said than done. But there is hope in that, versus the other method of self pity that brings me no where but down. As a mother, I just want my kids to be happy. I want my family to be happy. I want to enjoy life as intended. Don’t we all? Ryan and I sat this morning at our window, it has an awesome view of the city, and prayed for another GOOD DAY. Yesterday was GREAT! It truly was! We got Isaiah’s visa, we had a great afternoon at this amazing Japanese BBQ place, and we had fun. Our kids had fun, Isaiah bonded with everyone not just me, and it was fun!!! FUNNNNN! Yay! I get excited for the good moments.
Today is our last day. Tomorrow we leave. Ahhhhh I CANT WAIT TO GET HOME!!!!!!!!!! I can’t say it enough. It will be a big time of transition. Isaiah will officially begin to feel as we have, the languages will change, the peoples looks will change, and all that he is use to will change. We will probably be confined to our home for a couple weeks in the slow transition, and I am praying we can slowly draw out from there. It’s a patience process. Requiring for me to daily tap into the resources God provides, to get us through. So exciting to see what lies ahead.
At breakfast the cutest thing happened. Isaiah turned to the waitress and said HEYYY. She looked and smiled, then he blew her a kiss. We laughed, it was hilarious. He does this thing also where if he likes something he is eating or drinking he makes this really funny face and laughs. He also kicks his feet. This morning at breakfast we also noticed he pushed his bowl of yogurt away that was half full, this is huge! It means he is no longer devouring the food for the sake of making sure he eats, he truly is beginning to trust us and knowing he will get his next meal and plenty of it (compared to the first day he devoured 3 bowls of yogurt and didn’t come up for a breath).
Baby steps. Life is full of them. It is so easy to want things now. I am known for that. Ryan and I were talking this morning and I told him I realized in the past I used the gift of faith of try to get what I wanted or thought was best, now I will use it to trust firmly when things don’t always make sense. Instead, learning to pray the desires of my heart but while trusting that God’s will is best in whatever way that unfolds. And when it doesn’t make sense, I will learn to stand feet firmly planted, because I know now, more than ever, that is when faith works best.
Praying for a good day today, it is Wednesday 9:30am here, and it is off to a good start!
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