GOD ALWAYS STARTS WITH YOU

James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

One of my favorite verses of all times. Why? Because humility has been the key to so much success in my personal walk. It has improved my marriage, my friendships, my parenting, my character, and most importantly my walk with God. I have found through a humble heart I am able to recognize my faults, which make me so much more receptive to God's grace (undeserved blessings). Being in a place of understanding the gift of His grace and truly understanding that I will never be perfect but only through Him I am made whole...keeps me in a beautiful place of humbleness. 

Let me begin with my story....

Once upon a time, I was a strong-willed (still am), stubborn, defensive, determined, and quite a prideful know-it-all. Mix all that with a heart that is strong in compassion for others..and you get the girl who loved to help identify other peoples problems and try to change them, for their own good of course. As you can imagine, that proved to be helpful only a handful of times. In the end, I was exhausting myself trying to fix what I could NOT change. I was also causing some complications in my own relationships in the process of doing so. Not many people want to hear from a know-it-all, all the time. Not many people want to listen to someone talk more than they listen. Not many people want to be told what to do. Point blank.

Then one day...God used a situation in my life. The very pivotal turning point in my walk and the defining moment of the journey toward humility and growth. I was a woman always in control of my destiny. I took charge and got it done. Nothing stood in my way. So upon marrying the man of my dreams, then getting pregnant right away with my son, and having a new home we had settled into, it was time to begin the process toward having a second child. I was in control, and had it all mapped out. Here we go. (HALT). One year into our plan, there was still no pregnancy. It seemed difficult to understand when I got pregnant so easily with Caden. No amount of ovulation kit tests or calendar mark ups were helping. Every month, I would wait and a day late got those hopes high, which then soon dropped very low finding it was one negative pregnancy test after another. My desire to control was failing. I was exhausted trying to make the plan work as I had it laid out in my head. As anyone who has gone through this, knows that it can make a marriage strained or at least have more unpleasant moments than one desires. Then our poor husbands who try to encourage then always somehow say the wrong thing right?! SO one thing leads to another. It can be the make or break for many sadly, the pressure is intense. It can be the glue that loosens or binds the relationship. 

.....so I approached the conversation with Ryan about adoption. Those close to me know I was born with the deep desire for it. I have just always have wanted to adopt for as long as I have known. It was my heart and I thought if my PLAN A wasn't going to work then lets move to to the PLAN B I have longed for as well. We had a conversation. It started there and ended there. But as I mentioned, my determination, controlling, strong-willed nature began to press ahead without the consent of my husband. My plan was that I would convince him eventually. I didn't even think to consult, pray or hear his heart. So I pressed ahead, meeting with different friends who adopted, I began to layout the details, found an agency, signed on, and I just knew it was all going to happen the best way ever. Again, never once consulting with the 2 most important people in my life...my heavenly Father and Ryan! 

One day, my drive hit a wall and I had a melt down. I guess I was carrying the weight of so many things and the burden got to heavy. It was the burden that I was clinging so tightly to because I didn't trust that if I gave it to God as He required me to, He would give me my way. God's will didn't sound enticing to me at this season of my life. I was prideful. I was foolish. I was a lot of other things too. A wise friend of mine gave me life changing advice (I always suggest have wise and faithful friends during these times). He said "Jeanne, this may be a good thing but not a GOD thing. You have to make sure your husband is on board to know which one it is." There it was. My moment of truth. I knew the answer. I hadn't even asked my husband and I knew if I did he was going to say no. And sure enough, he did. His heart wasn't ready yet. Ryan needed time. So my plans, my future, my mapped out way beautifully designed by my controlling ways...came to a HALT. A complete stop. Red light. Not one step further......my heart was broken. I had a dream, and it all of a sudden felt it had gotten ripped away. 

I know now what I didn't know then...this heart break was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was the adversity that changed my life, for so much better. It was the moment God wept with me, but knew it was for greater purposes to grow me, my family, my marriage. I knew it in my heart, this was part of the plan. But oh how I dreaded it along the way...but as gold is refined through the fire...so was I.

In my brokenness, I woke up that very next day and made a plan...I got a journal, a devotional, and I started digging in. I knew I needed the comfort from God and I knew it was only Him who would be the one who could fill that unsettling place in my heart. I was sad, broken, and confused on what to do next. I soon after heard His words...the very words that have changed my life. Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God". Ok God...remember me...the busy body, the go getter who is determined, over committed, and quite an antsy woman? Be still? Like do nothing? Like just wait on my husband? What if he never comes around? What if we wait to long and I can't get pregnant ever and then we have wasted time? What if? What if? What if? Oh how the list went on....

It was bold. It was simple. I was to hear those words, BE STILL AND TRUST HIM...and every urge I had, was berated. And let me tell you, I became so aware of my nature to persuade, push, manipulate, and conquer my way. Wow. Every urge I was more and more alert IN why He called me to BE STILL: I learned to pray for our situation instead of trying to control it. I learned to pray harder on days I was sad. I learned to pray wiser for my husband and I learned to pray to love him deeper through it all. I found verses that were promising and every morning when I started my day with good devotions to encourage me, I prayed those verses over me, Ryan, Caden, and our future. I began to give THANKS instead of focusing on what I didn't have. It produced joy. I learned to change my perspective and instead of focusing on the obstacles. I asked God to help me find contentment and see the blessings I had instead of what I didn't have. My view changed. I learned patience, which is something I DO NOT have naturally. In doing so I learned to BE STILL and it has helped me  in times I am required to trust when I cannot see what He is doing. AND I KNOW NOW HE IS ALWAYS at the helm of ALL THINGS for ALL of us, every single bit of the way. He allowed the vulnerability of not being in control through my adversity, to change my heart, to teach me to love gently, to slow down and enjoy life, to surrender, to honor my husband, and to seek God at all times not just when I am hurting....and so much more. 

If you know my story, you know that my obedience to His command 'BE STILL', resulted in my husband feeling respected...and respect is LOVE to men. It resulted in a new found patience that also established in my heart. A great gift for life.  Ryan came to me when he was ready. His heart to adopt was then full of love for the mission. I got so consumed with selfishly writing my own story, I wasn't letting God write one through Ryan too. And what a beautiful one it was. I believe whole heartedly Ephesians 3:20 is so powerful in our lives....Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. So much that God knew the desires of our hearts, as soon as Ryan and I respectfully came together in obedience to what God was calling for us and our commitment (one and a half years later) that the very next month we found out we were pregnant...with our sweet baby girl Lane. God 3:20 blessed us with 2 kids instead of 1! How awesome is that!?


What do I walk away from all of this sharing with others? Here are some thoughts...I do sincerely hope they help you in whatever situation you may be facing, if one at all! I pray deeply that these words are anointed with favor because I know all to well the pain and discouragement that an obstacle of any sort in life can cause. Ultimately, we are not in control and when we feel helpless...it's a pivotal (life-changing opportunity) moment. It can be heavy, but it can be so so rewarding. 

1. WE MUST CHANGE BEFORE WE DESIRE OTHERS TO CHANGE
1. Had I focused on changing Ryan and his mind, I would have missed the opportunity to change myself. The biggest misconception is being so focused on the obstacle or the person we think needs to change, that we miss the greatest moment to humble ourselves and grow. 
2. Point your finger at someone and notice the 3 pointing back at you. When you choose to be humble enough to see the three fingers (your own flaws) pointing back at you...you will see that God will begin with you first!
3. Be humble: Pride is dangerous. If you won't change...your situations MAY NEVER change - James 4:10 
2. Don't focus on the problem – often the enemy uses the obstacle or the person to distract you and feed into your hurt or anger. Pray and focus on asking God how to improve you! Then use the two ears you have and listen more than you speak. If you listen with a humble heart...you can change the world and your problem will give way! Just watch! It works 99.999% of the time! God is faithful and as James 4:10 says, that humble heart WILL BE rewarded.
3. Ask God to show you what you need to change about yourself and your situation - When we cannot see what we need to change about ourselves, we should pray with a willing heart to have eyes to see what God sees – HE WILL REVEAL GENTLY & LOVINGLY, trust me! 
1. BE HUMBLE AND ACCEPT WHAT HE SHOWS YOU, it will be life changing 
2. Make time for God, He can't show you in a busy loud season. I received so much revelation through devotions, the bible, gut instincts, and even through my spouse...yes I asked my husband how I could grow and I received (walls and defense down)! God will show you and you will begin to tackle those areas in your life! My walk changed through God's favor and GRACE and that is what caught Ryan's eye...God used my obedience to work in Ryan's heart!
4. Be patient and wait - God is not a God of rush. He is never early, never late, but ALWAYS on time. He has our best interest at heart. Learning to trust HIM comes in these moments of waiting. 2 Cor 5:7 For we live by faith, not by sight
5. Be consistent and committed in prayer - respectfully give God your time daily (prayers, devotion, stillness). He requires you seek Him, He desires that because HE MADE YOU AND HE LOVES YOU AND HE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you - TRUST AND BELIEVE THAT!
6. God works through our actions NOT OUR WORDS - God works through our actions and people will always closely watch that, including our spouse. How we live is a reflection of God in us. People around us will have watchful eyes, especially the person in our life whom we are praying for. Change begins with you from the inside out...
7. Your story has a purpose. Always remember that.

 

Psalm 33:20-21 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield.  In him our hearts rejoice,   for we trust in his holy name.