China...continued HERE HE IS!

(Sorry for grammar errors etc I have limited time and want to update quickly!)

Where to begin? I don’t really even know. Today has been such a roller coaster of emotions. I have learned in such a short time a few powerful life things. Im speechless. Utterly drained. And oddly uplifted.  Here it is….here I go!

I learned today…sometimes we pray for our heart’s desires, then it is best to submit for God’s will to be done and trust.

I had created this prayer, vision, and truthfully I had painted this picture of how today would be. I went in knowing that it was going to beat all odds, and our son would turn the corner and our hearts would melt and we would just all love each other instantly with no problems. That he would have an open heart toward us and accept us despite his situation. I believed the supernatural in it all. The thing is how I painted it, has begun to happen, but instead of the whole picture being painted, the brush strokes have just begun. I get it. I get it now. So many have shared their adoption stories and I now get it…adoption is about having a heart of patience, compassion, understanding and most of all faith to trust God works every single detail out from start to finish.

 

 

Today:

We arrived the governmental offices. It is a fairly simple process. You walk into a big rooms where there are several other families waiting for their children from various orphanages. We walked in and saw a family adopting their third child. Their son was quite shy but the other 2 were so sweet and warming him up slowly. It was refreshing and motivating. Then we saw another family come in and meet their daughter, who took to them right away. Perhaps they had been speaking to her often or she knew of them ahead since she was quite older. She was happy. They were all tearfully acquainted. It too was refreshing. Then we saw another older couple adopting an older girl, they were a precious couple who had adopted many years ago and decided to again. Great people. The girl came in, and she was in tears the whole time. It broke our heart. All of a sudden it was the reality, these children do leave all they know. It may be an orphanage but it’s their home. It had been that little girl's for a long time. She cried and cried having to leave her caregiver. Me and Ryan were so sad. My heart all of a sudden realized what could happen. However, I kept hanging on to the picture I painted. Everyone had met their children and we were waiting for our Isaiah. He was the last to arrive. I couldn’t wait to have our meeting video recorded for the joyful match made in heaven. Then it was…he came in. He saw us. He cried. He cried. He cried. He wanted his caregiver and while I was able to calm him down, I couldn’t get him to warm up to Caden and Ryan yet. My painting, my vision, it crumbled. My heart was broken. I was stumbling and a little thrown off. But I KNEW IN MY HEART…Ryan knew in HIS…God chose us for this. This journey was designed and we saw the miracles and possibilities unfold one by one. If you have time to ever hear them you will understand, they were definitely divine. So how could this be this way? I prayed against all these things that were happening. My heart was heavy. I was sad for the other children and now heartbroken for my own child. This is real. This is beyond real. These children leave the little they have and they are just gut wrenched. The whole way home I held him. Getting out of the office we were in and getting to the comfort of our hotel room couldn’t have happened soon enough. We got back to the hotel and caden and Isaiah began to connect. Our hearts started to melt over the laughs and the smiles. It was happening! Yes! Ok great! He ate well! Actually quite a bit! Then it was nap time. He fell right asleep. I prayed the entire 2 hours. My heart was just so broken. I was speechless. I then prayed…I get it Lord, it will be more powerful for me to begin to pray for your will to be done. I finally get it. I disappoint myself when I create this way for how you should do it. My heart’s intent is to walk in faith, but faith is not hoping for what we want, but faith is instead trusting regardless of the outcome. I am currently at that door! Here I am. Here I am. I get it. My  heart is grieving and joyful all for YOUR purpose.....

 

SO when he woke from his nap, it all started again. His heart grieved. He opened his eyes to the strangers he just met instead of his caregiver and he was sad again. I laid him next to me and showed him my iPhone with cartoons, he was mesmerized. His little face was sweet. He was a little standoffish with us all…but slowly warmed up again. Ryan and I loved on each other and Ryan encouraged me to keep walking in faith. He said the most powerful thing I will forever hold close, the test of stretching our faith began when we left with Isaiah. I had thought it was all the way up until we came to China, again, when I pen my own story the plot is never consistent ;-)

Whatever you may be thinking…just know this. This walk might appear fearful to many, but adoption is an amazing thing..the details involve faith and growth every step of the way! Today, in a A short time of heaviness and heartache we have already turned a corner. my heart is so full! I am in awe. Prayers are powerful, God’s plan is even more…I knew all along that if we had this many praying there has to be a purpose and this has to be ok …but heartache makes the vision fuzzy. It is always easier said than done! Well this evening was amazing….bath time had caden and Isaiah laughing and playing! Then we put on matching PJS and strolled them to the coffee house across the street. They loved the stroll. They played with their toys and had a blast. Isaiah came home to the hotel and ate up his dinner and let us feed him, hold him ,and love on him. His heart is softening toward us already! He is slowly trusting us. Caden adores him and he thinks Caden is just as funny as Lane does. IT IS SO HEART WARMING!!! Oh my gosh..I can’t begin to tell you all these little things just making me so happy! I see the beautiful brush strokes in the works. They're beautiful. How much better is it to watch it being painted? Well it is…harder to do but its better. This day started heavy but I know without a shadow of a doubt...God went before us and continues to be with us! Tonight our family began to knit it's hearts together!

 

More to come. I know each day is going to get better! I feel it. Your prayers are powerful! Please keep sending them our way!!!

What I learned today:

• Today has enough worries of it's own. Take one day at a time and each day pray for the strength and wisdom 
• Believe if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it
• If God gives you a calling it is safer to obey than to live comfortably in our own plans, it may not always be easy but He will give you all you need to get through it and grow from it
• A storm or season is the reason for why we ultimately end up closer to Him. Blessings await at the end of them.
• Uncomfortable is good, it is God chartering you into new territories
• Where you lack ability to do in your own strength, let go and let God